How to Talk to Your Family About Your Plans

Why this matters

Clarity today prevents confusion and conflict later. A calm, plain-English conversation lets loved ones know what exists, where it lives, and who will do what when the time comes. Family Harbor helps by organizing your documents in your own Google Drive, giving you an Access Map for “who sees what,” and a simple agenda and notes template so the talk stays short and useful.

What “good” looks like

Everyone understands your wishes at a high level (healthcare, guardians, will/trust basics, beneficiaries).

Key roles are named and willing (executor/trustee, healthcare proxy, backup).

People know where things are and how to access them when needed (not today).

Feelings are acknowledged; disagreements are noted, not solved on the spot.

You leave with 3–5 follow-up tasks and a date to check back in.

Prepare in 30 minutes

Pick attendees

Start with your spouse/partner and the person you’ll ask to serve (executor/trustee or health proxy). Add adult children if appropriate. Large families can do two waves.

Set expectations

Invite people with a short note: “This is not about money details; it’s about where things are and what to do in an emergency.”

Gather two handouts

A one-page “Where Things Are” (contacts, institutions, storage locations).

A simple Access Map (who gets access now vs. later).

Family Harbor gives you placeholders for both and safe links to the Drive folders you’ll reference—not to private account numbers.

Decide what not to share

Account numbers, logins, and sensitive amounts are rarely needed in this meeting. Show where to find confirmations later, not the contents today.

45-minute agenda you can reuse

Welcome (5 min): purpose, what this is and isn’t.

Roles (10 min): who you’re asking to serve, who is backup, what that means.

Where things are (10 min): show the Family Harbor folder structure and Access Map.

Wishes overview (10 min): healthcare, memorial preferences, guardianship (if minor children), will/trust outline.

Next steps (10 min): 3–5 follow-ups, who owns each, when you’ll check back in.

Family Harbor’s checklist includes a “Family Meeting” task with this agenda and a notes section; upload your summary afterward.

Openers (pick one that fits)

Parent to adult children

“I’m healthy, and I want to make life easier if anything happens. I’d like to show you where documents live and who to call first. We can skip numbers and focus on the plan.”

Adult child to siblings

“Mom asked me to organize her documents so none of us has to hunt for them later. Can we spend 30–45 minutes so we all know where things are and who’s doing what?”

To a hesitant spouse/partner

“This is about reducing stress for each other. Let’s agree we won’t debate decisions tonight—just where info is and who to call.”

Blended families

“We love all of you. Some choices are complicated; tonight we’re sharing logistics so no one is surprised later. If anything feels hard, we’ll note it and discuss with a professional.”

Ground rules that keep it calm

Speak for yourself; assume good intent.

Curiosity over persuasion; we’re not dividing property tonight.

Privacy matters; no screenshots or forwarding without consent.

We will capture questions and decide how to answer them (later if needed).

Print or display these at the start. Family Harbor includes them on the meeting agenda page.

What to show (and what not to)

Show

The top-level Drive folders (e.g., “Healthcare,” “Beneficiaries,” “Will & Trust,” “Contacts & Accounts”).

The “Where Things Are” sheet and Access Map (view only).

Proof-type docs (blanked or sample confirmations) to illustrate.

Avoid

Passwords and two-factor codes.

Detailed balances or account numbers.

Anything you haven’t finalized; say “in progress” and log it as a follow-up.

Family Harbor lets you create view-only links for meeting day and retract them afterward.

Scripts for tricky moments

“I don’t want to talk about money.”

“Totally fine—tonight is location and roles only. We’ll keep numbers private and focus on who to call and where to find confirmations.”

“Why is the distribution unequal?”

“I hear that’s hard. I’ve documented my reasons in a letter for the executor and discussed with my attorney. Let’s note your concern and, if helpful, I can ask the attorney to explain the process.”

“I should be executor, not them.”

“This role is about time and logistics, not favoritism. I chose based on availability and skills. You’ll still be kept informed.”

“Can I get copies of everything?”

“Not now. You’ll have access if and when you need it. I’ll make sure the executor/proxy knows how to share safely.”

Capture the concern in your notes; don’t resolve the disagreement in the meeting.

What to cover at a high level (no deep dives)

Healthcare wishes and proxies (where the forms live; who is first/backup).

Guardianship preferences (if applicable).

Will/trust exists and where to find the signed copies.

Beneficiary designations exist and are current (life insurance, retirement).

The “first 72 hours” list (funeral home, certificates, who to notify).

Advisors to contact (attorney, planner, CPA).

Family Harbor includes a “What Loved Ones Need First” guide and links to provider pages for memorialization and claims.

Follow-up and documentation

Summarize decisions and questions in 5–10 bullets.

Assign owners and due dates for each follow-up (e.g., “Add contingent beneficiaries,” “Upload HIPAA release,” “Record funeral preferences”).

Save notes in your Drive under “Family Meeting” with the date.

Schedule the next review (annual or after life events).

Family Harbor can send a light digest so everyone sees what’s done and what’s next.

Remote or asynchronous options

Send a one-page brief first, then hold a 30-minute video call.

For far-flung families, record a 3–5 minute overview video and link to view-only docs.

Use a shared question list instead of email threads; upload answers as you go.

If there is conflict

Pause the meeting; offer to involve a neutral third party (attorney/CFP).

Document the specific concern and the next step to address it.

Keep access narrow until roles are confirmed.

Family Harbor’s Access Map helps you tighten or broaden who can view which folders without moving files.

Quick FAQs

Do I need to share balances?

No. Focus on locations, roles, and key documents. Balances can remain private.

Should my executor get drive access now?

View-only to a few essentials is fine. Full access can wait unless advised otherwise.

What if I change my mind later?

Update your documents, then update the “Where Things Are” sheet and meeting notes. Family Harbor keeps versioned copies in your own Drive.

Next steps with Family Harbor

Download the Family Meeting agenda and ground rules.

Fill the “Where Things Are” and Access Map drafts.

Invite only the people who need to see the overview; use view-only links.

Run the 45-minute agenda and upload the notes.

Turn on a yearly reminder to review.

This guide is educational and not legal advice. For legal or tax questions, work with a qualified professional. Family Harbor’s role is to keep your information organized, private in your own cloud, and easy to act on together.