Choosing a Trusted Contact/Executor: Traits to Look For

Choosing a Trusted Contact/Executor: Traits to Look For

What role are we talking about?

• Trusted Contact (planning phase): A “tap-if-concerned” person your financial institutions or advisors can reach if they suspect fraud or can’t contact you. They don’t control accounts.

• Healthcare Agent / Proxy (during life): Makes medical decisions if you can’t, as named in your advance directive.

• Agent under Power of Attorney (during life): Handles finances if you authorize them.

• Executor / Personal Representative (after death): Works with the court to settle your estate under the will.

• Successor Trustee (after death or incapacity): Manages trust assets under the trust document.

• Digital Legacy / Account Contacts: Platform-specific contacts (e.g., Apple/Google) to access or memorialize accounts.

Top traits to prioritize

• Reliability and follow-through: Responds promptly, meets deadlines, keeps receipts and records.

• Calm communicator: Can update siblings without escalating tension; writes clear, factual notes.

• Organized and detail-minded: Comfortable with checklists, forms, and tracking tasks to completion.

• Time availability for months, not days: Estate administration can take 6–12+ months.

• Financial prudence: Understands basics (accounts, taxes, insurance) and knows when to ask a pro.

• Neutrality and fairness: Respected by the likely beneficiaries; minimal conflicts of interest.

• Tech-ready: Can scan/upload, use e-sign tools, and navigate bank/agency portals.

• Geographic practicality: Nearby helps for property, mail, vehicles, and court visits.

When family dynamics are complex

• Prefer neutral temperament over birth order or tradition.

• If one person is a beneficiary and the choice is sensitive, consider a co-fiduciary with an independent party or a professional fiduciary.

• Avoid naming multiple co-executors who disagree easily; two is workable, three is risky.

Eligibility and logistics that matter

• Many states require an executor to be an adult, sometimes a U.S. resident, occasionally state-resident or bonded.

• Courts may disfavor someone with certain criminal convictions or a history of financial misconduct.

• Some roles require a surety bond; a strong credit history helps.

• Being out-of-state is possible but adds notarizations, travel, and registered-agent needs.

Red flags to avoid

• Chronic disorganization or missed deadlines.

• Ongoing personal financial trouble or contentious family disputes.

• Desire to “control the outcome” rather than follow documents.

• Discomfort with phones, scanners, or online forms.

• Substance abuse or untreated health issues that impair reliability.

One person, two, or a professional?

• Single fiduciary: Fastest and clearest chain of command.

• Co-fiduciaries: Works if duties can be divided (e.g., “local” and “financial” leads) and they cooperate.

• Professional fiduciary / corporate trustee: Best when assets are complex, beneficiaries are in conflict, or no private candidate fits. Fees trade for speed, neutrality, and expertise.

How to ask (and actually confirm)

1. Share expectations: “It’s mostly forms, follow-ups, and fair updates—not deciding who gets what.”

2. Be transparent about time: “It can run 6–12 months with light monthly tasks; a few weeks may be busier.”

3. Offer support: “I’ll keep everything organized in Family Harbor so you’re not hunting for documents.”

4. Ask for a clear yes/no and a backup: “If later you can’t continue, I’ll name a backup and that’s okay.”

5. Write it down: After a verbal yes, finalize documents with your attorney and store signed copies.

Put it in writing (and where it lives)

• Current will/trust naming the role (executor or successor trustee).

• Power of attorney and advance directive for during-life coverage.

• Where Things Are sheet (advisors, institutions, key locations).

• Access Map showing what the person can see now vs. later.

• First 72 Hours checklist for the immediate post-loss period.

• Contact tree for family and professionals.

Backups and succession

• Always name at least one backup per role.

• Consider role diversification (e.g., one person for health, another for finances).

• Revisit after life events: marriage, divorce, relocation, new diagnoses, or a fiduciary’s changed availability.

Quick checklist (what to do this week)

• Short-list 2–3 candidates with the trait list above.

• Verify practical constraints (location, eligibility, time).

• Have a 15-minute call with your first choice; ask for a clear yes.

• Confirm a backup.

• Update documents with your attorney.

• Upload signed copies and refresh your Access Map in Family Harbor.

FAQs